Hope everyone had a good weekend. I spent a lot of it just vegetating. I can't wait until Christmas, since I have the whole week off after it. YES!!! Of course, hubby does too, so much for being alone. Drat! Just kidding. I finished up my Christmas shopping today, thank goodness. If I had to brave the mall one more time, I may have gone insane.
For those of you that know I dabble in writing, I may be posting some of my work on an on-line e-novel site. I'll let you know. A friend of mine recommended it to me. That's how she ended up getting published. We shall see. I have to beef up my stories though. They want 40k words. OY! My longest one, not counting the trilogy, is 25k. That just means I have to learn how to bullshit in my writing. I can do it in everyday conversation, so it shouldn't be too much of a stretch. I really would like to get paid to write. That would be my ultimate goal.
I'll leave you with a Sunday funny:
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
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LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery
since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be
$3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
$14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man
called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.
he husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads:
Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WOMEN'S HUMOR
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over
the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEX AND FLYING
One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up
pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living
apartment...killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge asked her if she
had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could
have sex...he could fly.
